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Welcome back Chef Tony!

Thanks Tom!

So, what knives do you have for us today?

Tom, Ive got a boatload of knives for you today. All for just one payment of $39.95. You get the perfection paring knife, the not so perfect filet knife, the double whammy carving knife, a couple pairs of rusty kitchen shears complete with an extra dose of hepatitis AND a bunch of bent knives that you can use to fill up those empty drawers in your kitchen.

WOW!! Sounds great!!

Yes, Tom, that's over $3,000,000 dollars worth of junk for just $39.95 PLUS I am going to give you a good kick in the ass just for the trouble. If these knives arent the best youve ever owned, big fucking deal, youre stuck with them.

Sounds great Tony...but are these knives REALLY as sharp as you say?

They sure are Tom. Watch how the Miracle Blade cuts right through this engine block.

Wow, it sure does....just look at all that engine oil!

You betcha Tom. Now I'm gonna take this same knife and cut this tomato. See how the miracle blade cuts right through the mold that's collected on the outside of the tomato? Now THAT'S perfection!!

That's all great but let's put the Miracle Blade to a "real life" test.

Sure thing Tom. Here we have James the carpenter. Hi James.

Hi Tony.

James...this is what we want you to do. We have here an open electrical box with about twenty five live circuit breakers. One of the screws to one of the circuit breakers has come loose. We want you to screw that screw back in using ONLY the Miracle Blade Perfection Knife as your tool.

Uh, Tony, that's pretty dangerous. What if the metal comes into contact with the electrified casing of the circuit breaker?

Ha, ha, ha. That's part of life, James. Now, we're going to leave you to do this and we'll check back with you later.

Oky doky.

Now Tom, lets go cut some rare Peruvian stone artifacts with the all new Miracle Blad Perfection Series Knife. See how the knife cuts right through this one of a kind South American voodoo doll?

Why, yes, Chef Tony, I sure do! That is amazing. But, can the Miracle Blade cut through this spent uranium rod from a recently decommissioned nuclear power plant?

It can do that and MORE Tom!! Remember, this is the Miracle Blade we're talking about here.

Look at those sparks fly, Chef Tony! Great job!!

Now, let's go back and see how James the carpenter is doing with the Miracle Blade and our little electrical experiment.

Oh my gosh, he's lying on the ground! Is he ok?

Oh dont worry about him, Tom. James is just suffering from electrical shock. Watch as we use the Miracle Blade Perfection Series Knife to cut a hole in his trachea and clear an airway so he can begin to breath again. In addition, the Miracle Blade doubles as a makeshift heart defribillator. Just touch one end to the live electrical panel and the other end to James's heart. Now watch him just JUMP out of his skin!!

Oh my gosh, youve brought him back to LIFE!!

Not just me, Tom. Me AND the Miracle Blade Perfection Series Knife!

(Massive audience applause).

Well Chef Tony, we've reached the end of our show today. Thanks for showing us all the amazing uses for the Miracle Blade Perfection Knife!

Wait, Tom, I'm not done yet! I have one more surprise for you! I wanna truly demonstrate just how sharp the Miracle Blade really is!

Wow, I cant wait.

Well, Tom, let me ask you. How many fingers did you have on your right hand when you came in this morning?

Gee....five, I guess. Why do you ask?

Look again, Tom. How many fingers do you have NOW on your right hand?

OH MY GOSH, I ONLY HAVE FOUR NOW!! The fifth one is just a bleeding stump. How in the world did you do that? I DIDNT EVEN FEEL A THING!!

That's the wonderful nature of The Miracle Blade, Tom!! Hope you enjoyed your surprise!!

(Massive audience applause)

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